Of Snowballs and Unicorns
by Ladie in Lace
Summary: Crack, crack, CRACK! A series of one shots centered around the host club. Awkward moments, embarrassment, and a lot more of Mori than you EVER wanted to see...well, maybe not ;) This is basically me getting out all of my humor...and insanity. Occasional fluff chapters are possible.
1. A Brony Complication

**Hello darling readers, I have decided to write a series of funny/awkward one shots. Sorry if you want an angsty story, but that shall come later his month. **

**Anyway, I will try and make you laugh, or at least face palm. If I succeed, tell me pretty please darlings.**

* * *

Kyoya visited the Suoh estate often.

Tamaki's enormous house was a familiar place to Kyoya, a second home in a way, so he no longer felt the need to knock before entering the mansion.

When Kyoya walked through the ornate double doors leading into the mansion without announcing his presence, he felt no hesitation at all. What a mistake that was.

He didn't hesitate as he strode smoothly across the marble floors.

He didn't hesitate when he reached the grand staircase leading to the second floor of the large house.

He didn't hesitate as he bounded up the steps and reached the hallway leading to Tamaki's door.

He didn't hesitate to open the it without knocking; he was only ten minutes early after all.

But as the door swung open, Kyoya realized he should have hesitated.

The door hit the wall with a small thump.

Kyoya stood there silently, frozen, his mouth open in surprise.

Tamaki didn't notice Kyoya's entry.

The blond teenager was sitting cross-legged on the plush carpet surrounded by small plastic ponies. He was moving a purple unicorn around in the air as he made high pitched neighing noises.

Tamaki seemed to feel a presence in the room and looked around, his neighing dying down. He spotted Kyoya and froze.

Kyoya stood there in horror.

Tamaki seemed as if he were uttereing a silent scream.

Kyoya managed to regain his head and pulled the door slowly closed.

He leaned his back against the door and sighed.

It shouldn't have surprised him.

This _was_ Tamaki after all.

But sure as hell, he would knock next time.

* * *

**How was that? Was that funny or awkward at all? I hope so. Tell me please!**

**FYI: I have never actually seen my little pony**


	2. A shopping Trip

** Forgive me for this awful thing, I am SO TIRED. The first day of school was today, and it was SO BORING. *sigh* Read my funky and weird chapter thingamajig now please.**

* * *

"This should be interesting." Kaoru said with a sly grin as he followed his friends through the sliding doors entering a large building.

"I have a feeling this trip will end badly." Hikaru sighed. Kaoru smiled wider.

"Oh come on Hika-chan! Don't be a party pooper!" Honey giggled as he skipped forward.

Haruhi sighed.

She was regretting her decision to let them come along.

They had insisted on accompanying her to the shopping mall. They had never been to one before, and they were very excited to be in a place so important to 'commoner society'.

All of the boys hadn't come however. Mori was caught up in some sort of vacation with his family, and Kyoya was in a meeting with the Ouran student council.

That left Haruhi alone with Hikaru, Kaoru, Honey, and of course-

"Haaaa-ruuu-hiiii!" Tamaki sang as he bounced through an aisle of the department store the group had just entered.

Haruhi groaned. She didn't know if she could handle Tamaki without Kyoya to help calm him down.

The group moved between shelves covered with makeup, perfumes, and rejuvenating lotions, Haruhi leading the way.

They arrived at an escalator and Haruhi paused to make sure no one had strayed. Luckily, they were all there.

"What is that thing?" Honey asked, pointing a small finger at the moving escalator.

"You don't know? It's an escalator." Haruhi said. The boys all looked at her in confusion.

"A what?" Tamaki asked.

"I think this is the commoner equivalent to an elevator." Hikaru said.

"No, it's not. Get on." Haruhi sighed.

"But…I don't think that thing is safe Haru-chan." Honey said as he eyed the escalator fearfully.

"It's safe, I assure you." Haruhi said tensely, her patience wearing thin.

"Hmm, I think we should find another way. What do you think Hikaru?"

"I think so too Kaoru."

"Maybe there are stairs around here somewhere."

"Okay! Fine! We can take the elevator, there's one close to here!" Haruhi yelled, completely exasperated. They had only just entered the mall and she was on the verge of an aneurism.

This shopping trip was going to kill her.

She walked heavily to the other side of the escalator where the elevator resided. She sighed and pushed a button with one finger.

"Happy?" She growled, turning back to the boys. Tamaki furrowed his eyebrows.

"Well, this elevator does look like it has seen better days…" Tamaki said, softly trailing off when he realized Haruhi was glaring at him. The elevator rang and the thick doors slid open.

"Good." Haruhi said with a smile. She walked in and turned around, waiting for her friends, who were still frozen in place.

"Get in." She growled. They did, not wanting to anger the teenage girl any further.

The elevator was small, so Haruhi and the boys only just fit.

As the door was about to close, a wrinkly hand shot through the crack, making the doors open once again. A very short old man hobbled in, forcing himself between Hikaru and Kaoru.

Hikaru cleared his throat uncomfortably as the doors slid closed once again.

The elevator shuddered slightly as it rose, and then stopped.

They waited for the doors to open, but they didn't.

Tamaki reached forward and pressed the open door button.

Nothing happened.

"Uh Haruhi, does this usually happen in commoner elevators?" Honey asked. The lights flickered out.

"No."

"Is this a bad time to mention I'm scared of the dark?" Tamaki whispered through the blackness.

"Is this a bad time to mention I have to pee?" Honey said. The rest of them groaned.

"What do you think happened?"

"The news was calling for thunderstorms; maybe it knocked the power out." Haruhi whispered.

"We should call for help."

"These walls are way too thick, nobody will hear us."

"Someone use their cell phone."

"I don't have any service."

"Me neither."

"I don't have my phone."

"Haruhi, do you have service?"

"Nope."

"Does anyone have a bottle?"

"Hold it in Honey."

"Did someone just grab my butt?" Haruhi yelped.

"Wasn't me."

"Nope."

"Never!"

"Wasn't me either."

"It was probably the old man."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know. You're a pervert old man."

"Am not."

"I found him, he's behind Tamaki now."

"Honey, go beat him up."

"I can't, I'll pee myself."

"It's fine, I don't even care anymore." Haruhi sighed.

They stood in the dark quietly for a moment, each teenager thinking hard.

"So does anyone have a plan of escape?" Kaoru asked hopefully, his voice resounding through the small space.

"Can we pry the doors open?" Tamaki asked.

"With what?"

"Our hands, I guess"

"Who's strongest?"

"Honey."

"Okay Honey, pry the doors open."

"I can't, I'll pee myself!"

"You can't have to pee _that_ bad!"

"Fine, I'll try."

A shuffling sound could be heard as Honey forced his way through his friends. He made it to the doors and tried to pry them open with his fingertips, which didn't work.

"I can't get a grip. I wish Takashi were here, he would be able to do it." Honey sniffed.

"I feel claustrophobic." Tamaki said fearfully.

"Oh my God, what _isn't_ wrong with you? Claustrophobic, afraid of the dark." Hikaru muttered.

"Well I'm sorry, I'm not perfect."

"That's for sure."

"Guys, shut up!"

The sound of Tamaki hyperventilating filled the room.

"I have to get out of here." He whined, pushing against Haruhi and Honey, who protested. He started reaching above his head, looking for an exit of any kind. He found a vent leading to a small space between the ceiling and the top of the elevator, like a tiny crawl space.

"I think if I crawl into this I might be able to get on top of the elevator." He said.

"Tamaki, we've only been in here for ten minutes, maybe we should wait a little longer." Haruhi said.

"It has been _way_ longer than that, Haruhi. If we don't find a way out, we're going to starve!" Tamaki yelled as he pulled the vent cover from the ceiling.

"I think you're overreacti-"

"Kaoru, give me a boost."

Kaoru cupped his hands and Tamaki managed to fit one foot in, hoisting himself up through the small hole. He began to jiggle his body slowly upward, trying to fit.

"Maybe honey should do it since he's smallest." Haruhi suggested. Tamaki grunted as he forced himself further up, his arms stuck to his sides.

"I can fit!" Tamaki yelled. He struggled harder, but stopped moving further into the hole.

"Are you stuck?"

"Yes."

Haruhi sighed as looked at Tamaki's wiggling butt and legs, which were the only parts of him still visible. The rest of him was stuck above the ceiling.

Kaoru snorted and tried to cover it with a cough.

"Is somebody going to help me?" Tamaki yelled through the ceiling as his legs flailed, almost catching Hikaru in the head.

"You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out." The old man croaked from somewhere in the elevator.

"Oh be quiet, nobody asked you, you old pervert." Tamaki wailed, his legs hanging limply from the ceiling.

"I'm not old. I'm not a day over twenty five."

"Liar!"

"Okay, okay!" Haruhi hissed, "Guys, help me pull him out!"

The lights suddenly flickered back to life. The elevator shuddered, and then the doors slid open.

The old man rushed out quickly, muttering as he went.

The twins looked at each other with a grin and walked out, leaving Haruhi and Honey alone with a very stuck Tamaki.

"What's going on? Are we saved?" Tamaki yelled, his voice muffled and his legs flailing once again.

"Yep. I'm going to tell security you're stuck, so they should be here pretty soon. When you get out, meet us at the food court." Haruhi said.

"Wait! You're leaving me here?" Tamaki yelped. Honey hopped out of the elevator and Haruhi followed. She called over her shoulder,

"Don't worry! The security guards should be here in a few minutes."

* * *

Two hours later, the security guards arrived.

Tamaki wandered to the food court, half delirious, and found his friends sitting at a table, eating and laughing. Haruhi was surrounded by a few bags.

Hikaru choked when he saw Tamaki, catching everyone's attention.

"Oops...we forgot." Honey whispered. Tamaki glared at him.

* * *

**Ugh school today. I hate it. Anyway, you peeps should give me requests and ideas through reviews or private messaging. I shall love you for it!**


	3. The Trunks

**Hello again. Don't blame me for late updates, sophomore year is SO MUCH HARDER than freshman year. I have so much homework, plus I'm in the play plus I am in two clubs and I do karate. Oh my God it is crazy. ANYWAY, IMPORTANT NOTICE FOLLOWS: I may change this crack one shots series so it also includes the occasional fluff chapter. I have to get my fluff out, I just have to! And I am also thinking of doing another twins angsty thing very soon. Yay! **

* * *

Honey smiled cheekily as he fitted a bright yellow tube around his waist.

It looked adorable and he knew it.

He wandered closer to the edge of the diving board.

It was a little higher than he had expected, maybe four feet above the water.

He wasn't usually afraid of heights, but ever since his incident at Kyoya's indoor tropical water park, he wasn't too keen to enter the water.

So as he stood at the edge of the diving board, the flimsy structure swaying beneath his small wiggling feet, one could understand his apprehension. He looked around the edge of the enormous in-ground pool, its water so clear and still it reflected the blue sky above perfectly.

There were other high class citizens at the pool, but none of them where swimming. They were lying in long lounge chairs furnished with elegant cushions at the perimeter of the pool, all of them working on their tans.

_At least none of them are watching me. It's sad that they won't see my cute float, but I don't want them to see how scared I am to jump in. _

"Mitsukuni."

Honey turned his head, his golden locks shimmering in the afternoon sun.

Mori stood beside him, his face serious yet soft, comforting as always.

"Takashi." Honey said softly. Mori slowly started toward Honey, stepping onto the board very carefully so Honey would not accidentally fall off. He picked Honey up under the armpits and lifted him over his own head so he was behind Mori.

Mori paced forward to the edge of the board, his chest glistening with droplets of water, as he had already gone swimming a little earlier.

"Watch, Mitsukuni." Mori rumbled, his deep voce vibrating through Honey's ears.

Honey was slightly embarrassed Mori was showing him that jumping was safe, but at the same time, he was happy his loyal friend was willing to help him.

Mori bent his knees and lifted his hands in front of himself in a sort of squat position, which looked ridiculous. Maybe he was trying to show Honey that jumping from the board wasn't scary, but fun and entertaining.

It was amazing how intuitive Mori could be sometimes. He could tell that by making himself look stupid, he would lighten the mood and erase Honey's fear.

Or maybe that was just how Mori liked to jump.

Mori's brows furrowed in concentration as water droplets from his hair rolled down his face.

Then he sprung.

Honey watched in awe, his golden brown eyes widening, as Mori flew into the air and toward the crystal clear water.

Mori landed feet first in the water. The splash was heard by everyone around the pool, and they all looked up from their books, phones, or sun reflectors.

And as Honey stood focused, waiting for Mori to break the surface, he noticed something odd floating to the top of the water.

This strange object surfaced right behind the place Mori surfaced a few moments later.

Mori began to swim toward the ladder out of the pool as Honey stared at the strange object swaying in the newly disturbed water.

A strangled noise came suddenly from Honey's mouth as he realized what the object actually was.

A pair of swimming trunks.

Mori rose from the pool water, droplets dripping from every crevice.

All the onlookers surrounding the pool gasped and stared at the butt naked teenager.

All Honey could do was stare with a horrified expression.

Mori strut past Honey with a satisfied grunt.

Honey turned to watch as Mori walked toward the concession stand, seemingly oblivious of his nakedness.

Maybe he was still trying to make Honey feel as if jumping into the water was just a joke.

Maybe he was simply going to very far lengths to make Honey feel at home in the water once again.

Or maybe he just hadn't noticed his trunks were missing.

* * *

**In actuality, he just didn't notice. He can be oblivious at times, not just intuitive XD Tell me about my story ideas, should I pursue them?**


	4. Substitution

**Hello beautiful people, thanks for reading my horrible array of strange stories. Enjoy the following. **

* * *

Mrs. Ichizu hated the twins with a passion.

She was a sour woman to everyone, really, but to Hikaru and Kaoru, she was terrible.

Mrs. Ichizu had a bad memory and horrid eyesight, but the twins barely felt bad for her. They thought that maybe she was just frustrated with her fading mind and vision, and that was why she acted out toward them, but at the same time, she just seemed to hate teaching.

She was always so sarcastic and harsh. It wasn't unknown for a girl to come out of Mrs. Ichizu's classroom crying. Sometimes that woman took it too far.

Hikaru and Kaoru got the brunt of her viciousness. One sound from them in her classroom, and off to the principal they went.

So when being as sweet and obedient as possible did nothing but give them detention and more than a few scathing words, Hikaru and Kaoru decided to fight fire with fire.

Sure, that's never supposed to be a good answer to that sort of problem. But what else were they supposed to do?

Plus, they had to get their energy out somewhere during the school day.

So, as Hikaru sat attentively in his desk, his eyes trained on Mrs. Ichizu, who was picking up papers from one pile and placing them in another at the other end of her desk, Kaoru coughed.

That cough was a signal.

Hikaru immediately dropped to his hands and knees. Kaoru did the same.

You see, Mrs. Ichizu did that thing with the papers every day. She would take a perfect pile of papers and place them a few papers at a time at the other end of her long metal desk. It was a sort of tick, really.

So when Hikaru heard the signal from Kaoru, he knew what to do. They had planned it earlier that day.

The plan was simple.

Get Mrs. Ichizu out of the room.

Though the plan was simple, it also involved Kaoru cross-dressing as a woman.

It really was a wonderful plan.

As Hikaru crawled toward the cold grey desk, the other students in the room were stifling their laughter.

Kaoru crawled toward the door, turning his head every few seconds to make sure he wasn't seen.

When Hikaru was settled in front of the desk and Kaoru was at the door, they gave one another a thumbs up.

Then they continued.

Kaoru disappeared from the room as Hikaru peered warily over the desk.

As Mrs. Ichizu turned to pick up more papers, Hikaru reached over quickly and grabbed the new pile. He waited for Mrs. Ichizu to notice, but she didn't. He then placed those papers back onto the original pile.

He continued the cycle for a few minutes, Mrs. Ichizu never realizing her new pile wasn't growing any larger.

Hikaru heard her mumble to herself about déjà vu and froze, horrified that she had discovered what was happening.

He was saved by a loud knock at the door.

He smiled to himself. He had done it, he had stalled her long enough.

Hikaru turned to face the door and choked back his guffaw. He slapped a hand hard over his mouth, his eyes watering as his shoulders shook with tremors of laughter.

The rest of the class lost it. The room was filled with giggles.

"Shut up!" Mrs. Ichizu screeched at her students. They all bit their tongues, their laughter barely contained.

Standing in the doorway was Kaoru.

Kaoru was dressed in a long yellow skirt and a white button up shirt, which was filled with two lumpy "breasts" that appeared to be rolled up socks.

His face was plastered with smudged makeup.

His feet were squeezed into too small heels about two inches high, which were making him wobble enormously.

And to top the look off, he was sporting a terribly messy black wig.

"Excuse me," Kaoru started in an awful high pitched voice, "Are you Mrs. Ichizu?"

"I am." Mrs. Ichizu said with a confused face.

"Eh, I was told you would be away this entire week. The school board said you had been given a complementary vacation for all of your hard work." Kaoru screeched as he wobbled cautiously into the classroom.

"Is that right. And who are you?" Mrs. Ichizu asked suspiciously as she strode toward Kaoru.

Kaoru took a few steps back, almost stumbling over his heels.

"Uh, M-Ms. Onoru, substitute teacher."

"Hm. Well, it's about time the board recognized my hard work! Take over missy, I'm getting the hell out of here." Mrs. Ichizu growled and she picked up her purse and rushed from the room, almost knocking Kaoru over in the process. Hikaru stood and rushed over to the door, clicking it closed softly.

Then the class exploded with laughter.

Kaoru grinned and ripped the wig off of his head as he stepped out of his shoes, making his way toward his brother, who was doubled over with laughter.

"I can't believe that worked. When do you think someone will find out?" Kaoru chuckled.

"I don't know, probably tomorrow." Hikaru sighed as he wiped his eyes.

"That's a great look for you Kao."

"Shut up."

* * *

"Kaoru, Hikaru, do you have _any idea_ how much trouble you have caused?"

The twins looked solemnly up at their principal, barely able to hide their smiles.

They couldn't help it.

They were legends in school.

They had taught their class about basic addition for an entire week.

What a surprise Mrs. Ichizu had had when she walked into class Monday morning to see that her two most hated students were at the board teaching her class how to add two plus two.

* * *

**I based Mrs. Ichizu on both my fifth grade science teacher who was fired not too long ago for cursing and throwing a student's book bag across the room in class (lol) and a teacher my father had as a kid. **


	5. The Things I Could Live Without

**My computer is in the shop, so I have almost no way to plug into the internet. I used my iPod for this chapter, and it kept auto correcting me! Ugh! So not much writing from me! Sorry lovely people. **

* * *

A loud snore ripped through Kaoru's unconsciousness and he slid his eyes unwillingly open, his lids protesting at their separation from one another.

Kaoru averted his gaze from the ceiling to his brother's face.

_I hate this. Why does he have to snore so **loud?**__**  
**_

Another snore ripped obnoxiously through Kaoru's ears.

Hikaru had a bad tendency to snore, and to make matters worse, it wasn't unknown for him to talk in his sleep as well.

Usually, it wasn't that bad.

Kaoru could deal with the noise when he was safe in his own bed with a pillow shoved over his face.

But earlier that night, Hikaru had woken up from a nightmare, screeching and flailing in terror.

Kaoru had climbed into His twin's luxurious bed and had comforted him until he had fallen back into a deep sleep. Now Kaoru was too nervous to leave him, fearful he would have another nightmare without the familiar warmth of his brother by his side.

So, Kaoru lay on his back, his eyes trained on the darkness surrounding him,, the relentless snoring pounding at his ears.

Hikaru coughed suddenly and stopped snoring, much to Kaoru's delight.

Then the talking began.

"S'not fair, I only got one bar of soap, you got a bundle...blue's my color...snakes did the laundry…"

Kaoru groaned as his brother began to ramble.

"Shay it, don't shpray it...sharpie, we're all friends here…"

"Hikaru!" Kaoru whispered.

"For the hair...ehm cold." Hikaru slurred. Then in one swift motion Hikaru ripped the blanket from Kaoru, forcing him into a sudden unwelcome frigidity.

Kaoru yelped and curled into a ball as the freezing night air of their bedroom rushed onto his bare skin.

Hikaru sighed contently and turned onto his side so he was facing his twin. He was still completely asleep.

Kaoru hissed softly and groaned to the ceiling.

He then turned and moved until he was inches from his brother's face.

The warm blanket was clutched in Hikaru's hands.

Kaoru sighed once again and smiled ever so slightly as he gazed at Hikaru's peaceful face.

Kaoru ran one hand through Hikaru's orange locks, which somehow managed to shine in the nonexistent moonlight.

Kaoru's smile grew tender as he moved even closer to Hikaru so that his lips brushed slightly against his jawbone.

Then he whispered, "I love you and your wonderful qualities more than anything. I could never live without you and those good qualities. But the bad ones…" Kaoru whispered as he grasped the stolen blanket in one hand and placed the other firmly on Hikaru's chest,"...I could live without." Kaoru pulled the blanket from Hikaru's grasp and pushed against his chest with the other hand _hard._

Hikaru rocketed off the bed with a series of roles, landing on the hard floor with a loud thump.

Kaoru sighed as he settled into the middle of Hikaru's bed, the warm blanket surrounding his body like a cocoon.

He fell into a deep sleep to the sound of Hikaru's confused cursing from the floor.

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**Ugh. I want my computer back. *sigh* I hope this chapter was slightly fluffy! Happy almost Halloween guys. Sorry for any grammar mistakes! **


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